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I went on Dragons Den with my landmine clearing device.
Peter Jones said, “How does it work?”
I said, “I load packets of Haribo into this catapult mechanism and then fire them across the mine field.”
He said, “Right, and then?”
I said, “Then we open Jedward’s cage.”
He said, “I’m going to make you an offer.

(Source: blodyn-tatws)

emmaelizabethlucia: zoemarie91: Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?” “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6 “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8 “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7 “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6 “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7 “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6 “During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8 “My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6 “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5 “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7 “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4 “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4 “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8 “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7 “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8 This is the most adorable thing, and has really made my day a bit better. This is beautiful! =’) xxxx

emmaelizabethlucia:

zoemarie91:


Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6 

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

This is the most adorable thing, and has really made my day a bit better.

This is beautiful! =’) xxxx

(Source: harlemink)

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with God. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand.

  • Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
  • Student: Yes, sir.
  • Professor: So, you believe in God?
  • Student: Absolutely, sir.
  • Professor: Is God good?
  • Student: Sure.
  • Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?
  • (Student was silent)
  • Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
  • Student: Yes.
  • Professor: Is Satan good?
  • Student: No.
  • Professor: Where does Satan come from?
  • Student: From.. God.
  • Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
  • Student: Yes.
  • Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
  • Student: Yes.
  • Professor: So who created evil?
  • (Student didn’t answer)
  • Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
  • Student: Yes, sir.
  • Professor: So, who created them?
  • (Student had no answer)
  • Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?
  • Student: No, sir.
  • Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.
  • Student: No, sir.
  • Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?
  • Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
  • Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
  • Student: Yes.
  • Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
  • Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.
  • Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
  • Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
  • Professor: Yes.
  • Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?
  • Professor: Yes.
  • Student: No, sir, there isn’t.
  • (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
  • Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
  • (There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)
  • Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
  • Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
  • Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
  • Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?
  • Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
  • Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?
  • Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
  • Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.
  • Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
  • (The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)
  • Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
  • (The class was in uproar)
  • Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
  • (The class broke out into laughter)
  • Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?
  • (The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)
  • Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
  • Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!
  • ----------------------------------------------------
  • That student was Albert Einstein.
  • Brilliant.
  • Beautifully done.
  • ----------------------------------------------------

The awkward moment when your whole family argue weather or not the armed forces should get a pride of Britain award :S

(Source: synodik)

I don’t know what’s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.

most-awkward-moments:

thebestcomicsintheworld: The Most Amazing Helloween Costume Ever

thebestcomicsintheworld:

The Most Amazing Helloween Costume Ever

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